You may now have perfected the art of conversation. You are now an expert on multitasking. Your daydreams are in the makings of Steven Spielberg (you might even win an oscar). And you only occasionally drool whenever you see your beloved.

But that isn’t enough for you. You still want to find other means to torture yourself. You want to bring thoughts of your adored one into other aspects of your life and devote yourself to their worship.

To help yu along, here are 6 more suggestions to further your chivalrous quest:

OTHER SELF-TORTURE:

Step 1: Be a writer.

Your adored one’s perfection should be expressed through narrative and poetry. If you haven’t started yet, you better get on writing page upon page of literature expounding their godlike perfection right now.

For those who are involved in a long-distance unrequited love relationship, writing letters is another way of getting your adored one to notice you. Remember that letters are a much more intimate way of staying in touch than sending email or texts. Even if you do see your beloved everyday, daily mail banter can be a profitable venture.

The advantage of writing over speech, is that you can spend very long periods of time considering each and every word. Try to embed intricate, obscure double entendres which can be seen either as confessions of love or merely as clever wordplay. Remember not to flirt too much, you may accidentally raise their suspicions. If it is a little tense between the two of you, you may want to have your emails approved by a close friend before sending it, just to make sure you’ve said nothing too overbearing or creepy. And, when you reach the end of a letter or an e-mail, do not neglect to agonize over the closing… “sincerely”? “love”? “see ya ’round”?

Step 2: Be a giver.

Having amassed a collection of knowledge about your beloved’s fancies (based on the previous Rule #1) provides you with an unprecedented ability to come up with the worlds’s most thoughtful gift ideas. Even if you don’t actually intend to give the gift to them because you don’t have enough nerve and strength (or you may never have an opportunity to give these gifts), you can at least feel good about knowing your beloved so well. Anyways, it’s the thought that counts, even if your closet is probably brimming with those ungiven gifts.

Step 3: Be honest.

If communication is the number one priority in a relationship, being honest comes a very close second. Telling an untruth would be a crime and a sin. Despite this, it is also necessary at times that you should make the sacrifice of committing the sin of untruthfulness than reveal your feelings and cause them great discomfort.

Step 4: Be discreet.

Sometimes in the course of your interactions, you’ll have the opportunity to stand or sit rather close to your beloved. do not take these opportunities for granted. They are very rare. In these instances, remember not to make your feelings too obvious. Keep the groping and the “accidental” contact to a manageable level. Remember that there is a very fine line separating unintentional contact and sexual harrassment. So be very careful if you want to avoid a lawsuit.

Step 5: Be a musician and a singer.

Music is very expressive and cathartic. You may want to compile music to be given to your beloved (this is in the rare case when you have summoned enough guts to present the gift to them). Always make sure that you have thoroughly screened and edited all the songs and that only one or two of them are blatant “I love you” tunes. Unless, you plan to reveal your feelings to them.

Another good strategy is to memorize a good and catchy “i’m secretly in love with you” song. You must be ready to belt out this song whenever your beloved is within earshot. Remember that you must look innocent (this is where your acting skills would come in handy) while singing. This act is subtle and will probably leave your beloved confused (or straining and covering his ears). But then again, who knows, they might get your meaning and intentions. If not, then at least you got your beloved to notice you (and your operatic voice)

Step 6: Be a friend.

This is the ultimate time-honored method of self-torture. If you managed to be a caring and supportive friend to your beloved, then you are holding a double-edged sword here. This can be both a great opportunity – you will get to spend a lot of time with your beloved without the world knowing that you worship the ground they walk on – or your ultimate downfall – you will be a trusted confidante. As your beloved’s trusted friend, you will get to hear them tell you about their lovelife.

Listening to lovelife woes is not for the inexperienced. This is a highly dangerous pastime and is probably the most excruciating and rewarding sort of interaction the two of you can have. Do not attempt it unless you are confident that your pain tolerance is maxed out and you have developed great acting skills. You must be ready to show that poker face when your beloved starts to tell you how the date with his special someone went or show a happy and enthusiastic face (even if you want to scream and cry) when your beloved tells you that they have cuddled and kissed the whole night. Remember, you are a friend, and as such should be happy (or pretend to be happy) because your beloved is happy.

There will probably be times that your adored one says something like, “I just wish I could find someone who would treat me well, like you do.” Watch out! Despite appearances and what he/she said in this moment of weakness, this is NOT an invitation for you to tackle them in a loving embrace and begin kissing them. A (very tight) hug might be appropriate or you could offer your shoulder for your beloved to cry on.

Remember: As a general rule, the person whom your beloved showers his/her love and deems worthy of their affection will be a self-centered, ill-mannered, shallow, black hole of humanity (of course they are). They are, however, extremely and outrageously attractive. Because this base individual is completely self-centered and shallow, they will cause great distress to your beloved. You must be prepared to bite your tongue when your angel makes excuses for this demon and crawls back to them time and time again.

NOTE: Some parts and ideas from these posts have been taken from Steve-o Stonebraker’s Agony and Rupture (Thanks!)

No need to be all in agony here. This is suppposed to be funny. Although suffering from unrequited love might be intensely painful and may leave you feeling like a well-used, battered rug, I say why not make lemonade out of lemons (and not the other way around)?

Reminder to the ADORERS: For any relationship to work, the most essential thing is “communication”.

- A different set of rules is involved when you are in conversation with the love of your life – Don’t ever (never!) forget that every word your beloved one utters is IMPORTANT. Always remember to behave like every encounter with your adored one is a scene from a very romantic 5-hour love epic…

Rule #1: Everything your beloved one says is very important.

They are incapable of saying useless information so always watch out for even the tiniest tidbit of info you can get from them… from their (1) Personal History (the details of every anecdote they share should be forever burned into your memory- where they grew up, their earliest memory even their first farts should be memorized), (2) Likes and Dislikes – there is probably only one chance that they will tell what their favorite brand of shaving cream is, so things like this should not be forgotten… you never know when such info will be useful.. (3) other random tidbits – like when he only wears white undies, wishes they could beat their younger brother at Nintendo, and so on…

As you sit with them entranced and listening to that smooth, calming voice, remember to wipe off the saliva trickling down your mouth. You are likely to become entranced by the movement of their sweet, beckoning lips, the subtle variations in the color of their hair, and the texture of the skin on their hands. Try not to be distracted for too long. With a little practice, you’ll learn how to multitask during your interactions so you can both listen intently and take part in a meticulous study of their face and body at the same time.

Rule #2: Awkward silences are best avoided.

Your beloved may think that you have no conversational skills, or worst that your IQ is so low you can’t carry on a decent conversation. Make sure to compose a mental list of several things you can tell or ask them about before attempting any contact with them. They are god-like but steel yourself and do not freeze up (at least try not to).

Rule #3: Rehearse everything that you have to tell them.

This will ensure that you will appear perfect to your beloved. If possible, have a script for you to follow whenever you talk to them.

Warning: Be aware that conversations won’t always unfold exactly as you have scripted them, so have a contingency plan. Try out a few variations and be prepared to improvise.

Rule #4: Always give them compliments.

Don’t bother trying to be smooth. By virtue of your feelings for them, that is out of your hands (you will always act like a moron in front of them). But have some hope, based on statistics and probability, if you make enough attempts, there will be an occasional movie-quality moment. They won’t be common, but they will come (1 out of 100 successful attempt is a good result).

Rule #5: It is difficult (and nearly impossible) for any unrequited love affair to develop into something meaningful without generous application of one’s imagination and a lot of pretending.

Learn the art of daydreaming.

You can’t fully experience loving someone without shouting out your feelings at a New Years Eve party, or running off behind the building with them to steal a secret kiss. Since attempting any of these things in real life would result in them finding out that you like them, the only rational option is to set it all up in your mind. By lying awake in bed thinking of your beloved for an hour or so before settling into an exhausted, fitful slumber, you raise the chances of having them appear in your dreams.

Rule #6: Convince your beloved to go out with you and some friends together on a quasi-date.

With the pretext of being completely platonic, these should be activities which you could legitimately share without it being known to the world that you are secretly in love with them. During the course of the quasi-date, you will undoubtedly be mistaken for a dating couple at least once… (that is your goal of course) so always remember to pretend to be amused and maybe even get embarrassed at the mistake.

On the next entry, I will discuss other forms of self-torture. Stay tuned.

Notes: This entry was taken from my old (very, very old) Friendster blog. I have completely forgotten that I have written some 6 pages of crap in there. I’m re-posting some of them. I have a penchance for self-torture, so please bear with me.

And the world stands still

When you have nothing to do

The rain pours

The streets slips

Your eyes close

Your heart beats, slowly

And the world stands still

Your butt aches

Your eyes water

Your back slouches

Your neck stiffens,

The ground shakes

Still, the world stands still

And you stand still with it

]]> http://bloggista.freehostia.com/and-the-world-stands-still/feed/ 1 http://bloggista.freehostia.com/one-art-by-elizabeth-bishop/ http://bloggista.freehostia.com/one-art-by-elizabeth-bishop/#comments Fri, 02 May 2008 06:55:24 +0000 augel http://bloggista.freehostia.com/one-art-by-elizabeth-bishop/ How does losing become an art? And can youcreally master the art?

I don’t think one can. You may desperately try to convince yourself that losing is not very difficult to deal with. That there is an art to it, and like every other art, one can master its techniques.

This poem caught my eye because the author seemed intent in trying to convince herself that losing something is not a disaster. Indeed, some things are sometimes meant to be lost, but this does mean that we are not allowed to feel bad if they do.

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

–Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

i just had finished “talking” to clarice through ym… it’s really funny how time passes by so quickly when you are having fun and not minding the time… i’ve even done quite a lot of work to… even though i’ve been ym’ing the whole time… ahaahaha.. and now, i’m writing in my blog… uh huh… what a slacker… i really should be fired…. (guilty!)

we were just talking about everything and nothing at all… our friends, my plans, her plans, job hunting and then, she told me about what’s happening to nelly… the love of her life is now back again in her life…

i had a hard time, trying to stop myself from laughing out loud when she told me this… i just tried to smile (my co-workers must think and wonder why i had this goofy looking smile)… honestly though, i have mixed feelings about this new development, for one thing, i’m really happy for her and for another, i’m also quite worried and kind of holding back… nelly and i can really relate to each other because of the times that we would really talk our hearts out to each other… she would be the only person i’d tell about heart matters and i think that our bond and undertstanding for each other really grew strong because of the times we’ve spent crying together…

uhum… i do not really want to dwell in the past because that would only open up my barely-healed-still-hurting wounds… but for her, uhum being back in her life (he texted her and said that he missed her and even said i love you!… imagine that) would, i think really make her happy… she says that she would not fall into the trap anymore but i think that knowing her, she would never win against her heart… she would really have a hard time fighting her emotions… which brings us to uhum’s side… why did it take that long for him to realize nelly’s worth? i guess you could say that he had the nerve to come crawling back to nelly… how dare he, after all the hurt he’s given her… i guess, uhum is kind of self-assured because he knows what nelly feels about him, and maybe, he’s kind of taking advantage of that fact…

but i really think that it would be good for the two of them… second chances are really blessings and i think that we should not let them slip away… if you ask me… my philosophy towards this whole thingy is that “its better to love and be hurt, than not to experience love at all”…

of course, one should never take my word or advices seriously, especially if it’s about love… i for one, do not have any experience in the matter and therefore, my opinion and views would only be based on my “imagined” knowledge…

oh well….

another unexpected development… it got me thinking and wondering for awhile… (thinking again!)… i’ve actually been considering coming back to manila lately, because i’m starting to get bored here… but i told myself, to be patient and just let things go it’s own course and not push anything… i’ve really decided to let master fate have its own way… so i’m not doing anything and i’ve decided to be patient and wait…

but lady fate has got it going again, teasing me and making fun of me…

i feel like i’m a very hungry fish and then suddenly, i see a very fat worm wiggling off a hook… it’s very tasty and i’m very hungry… and i’m faced with a decision, should i eat the worm and risk being caught or should i just go away and find some lousy plankton to eat?

uhmm… i’ve always been an adventurous person and i like being challenged, but at most times, my love for adventure and my being impulsive and fatalistic gets the better of me and i end up in very compromising situations…

i’ve always said that my going to cavite was a decision i made very impulsively, it was a decision i made based on very wrong reasons… i had an underlying agenda there, and as such i sufferred the consequences… it took an anxiety attack and a very bad case of asthma attack to make me realize that i made the wrong decision, so i went home… but then again that was in the past and i’m learning not to dwell on the past… so let’s forget about that for awhile…

uhhm, back to the present, so the oathtaking for new new ECE’s would be on May 2 (that’s a tuesday)… and francis (amistoso) was asking me what the dress code is… and then he asks me, if i already have a job and when i said no, he asked me if i wanted to go with him to manila to look for a job there… at first i thought he meant, if i’d go to manila but then he asked me if i’d go with him on friday… friday?! i knew i’d say no, but it made me think and consider it anyway…

but then my reason got the better of me, i really don’t want to make the same mistake again, going there without giving it much thought and more importantly, going there for the wrong reasons would only make matters worst, besides, if i’d go with him, where am i supposed to stay? i couldn’t very well go with him in his tita’s house…  he says he’d look for an apartment but when i asked him if his other classmates would go with him, he says they’re all going to look for work in cebu…

i don’t think that i could go away again and have another adventure, besides, i dont feel really comfortable of arrangements if ever i’d go…

so, i decided that i have to be patient and just let things go its own natural way…