Posted on Saturday, 10th February 2007 by augel
february. a month full of cliches of hearts, hug and kisses, roses, chocolates, love songs… gaaakkk! help… i’m gagging!
if i’m to assess my state of mind right now, it would be completely unassesable. i would not even make sense righ now if i’m to make the effort to m ake myself be understand.
the reason that i’m writing even though i’m not completely into this is because it is something that i have to do. i think that if i am to finally be over anything that has happened in the past, i have to have closure. despite the “closure” efforts i have made in the past, i do not think that it has worked. so now, i am making the final effort. if this fails, then there will be no closure happening anytime soon.
reality check: i am still hoping. and if i am to compare my situation as being “blinded” by love. i would definitely say with outmost conviction that i am NOT blind. on the other hand, i cannot completely say that i have a 20/20 vision. remember that i am myopic, hence, i am completely short-sighted.
why is it that no matter how i try, there’s still this nagging feeling that keeps on surfacing. i’m like this person whose just too stubborn to give up. it’s like holding on the sand. i have been gripping my fingers too tightly that instead of more sand, i end up with tiny bits. and i still refuse to loosen my grip taht i can no longer see them in my hands. the tiny pieces are just curled up in my fingers. i know they’re there but i cannot see them.
i am getting older. and i am telling myself that it does not matter. but deep inside i also feel that i do care, even how little. i believe that we all have a pupose here in life. somehow i realize that my purpose is not to find someone. buit to find myself.
i do not believe that love hasn’t come my way. perhaps it already has passed by me for a thousand times. and i was too distracted to even notice. it may even bumped me several times. and just as everything far away, it may be that it was too far away for me to even recognize it.
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