The Ultimate Superpower

May 10, 2008 – 1:51 am

When we were children most of us imagined ourselves to have some kind of superpower. I always thought that it would be cool to be able to fly. On second thought, it might not be a good idea because what if your power fails when you’re flying high above the sky? Not good. I also wanted to be able to read people’s minds. I bet it would be really helpful, especially if you want to know their deepest darkest secrets. And use those against them — ha, blackmail!

Unfortunately, I don’t have any of those superpowers. I can sit in the couch and stare at the TV for hours, but that’s not a fun superpower. It’s only helpful if you want to look like a blob statue. I can also shed tears watching dog commercials — but that just makes me look crazy and delusional. Besides, running mascara is definitely not sexy.

For now, I have to contend with this: look and act like a totally spacey klutz, though not on demand. To fight off potential enemies I will fall flat in my face everytime a villain tries to hit me. I can also trip on my own feet to dodge enemy fire. Perhaps, I can even slap the crap off anybody coward enough to fight me.

Or better yet in display of my super spacey stupidity, I can put cold water in a cup of instant noodles, stir it a little bit, cover it and after five minutes wonder why the heck is the noodles not cooked yet? How great is that?!

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